sad

Today I feel sad. I think of Amalia's little hand in mine and of the way kissing her warm little chest felt and I miss her terribly.

I'm reading a book about grief just so I can say I'm trying to deal with it - not just to others but to myself. It's interesting to notice that some of the things I have been thinking and feeling are very much parallel to those others who have lost a loved one have felt. I didn't know.

My guiding words have been my friend Karin's: "There is no wrong way (to grieve)."

Today we received Amalia's ashes. I didn't realize how big of a deal that little vile would be. I haven't even begun to process that transformation yet. I haven't even looked inside that little box.