Friday, November 02, 2007

quote of the day

Now that I have quite a talker on my hands who comes up with amusing things every day, I decided to add a new section in the right hand column of my blog, where I will post some of his most memorable quotes. I will also keep adding the old ones to this post as I publish new ones, because I want to be able to remember them years from now. These are all spontaneous, "uncoached" quotes, mind you. Enjoy!

Past quotes:


Mom (tucking Jonah in): "Did you know that Daddy and I really wanted you? That you are our dream come true?"
Jonah: "Did you know you were growing a beard, Tereza?"
Mom: "Oh. Where?"
Jonah: "Because I see some hair on your chin."
Mom: "How many hairs?"
Jonah: "Fourteen."

JANUARY 2012 -

"What if mouses were called dogs and dogs were called mouses?"


This one is in Czechglish: "Mama vylil kafe na her hair." (= Mom spilled coffee on her hair.)

"Mama is my favorite bottle to drink from."

"Mama has testicles in her boobs."

"Mama is my favorite bottle to drink from."

"Mama's face is doughy around the eyeballs."

MARCH 2011 -

"Mom, why don't you want to be a ninja when you grow up?"

JANUARY 2011 -

• J: "I'm a mathematician."
Me: "How are you a mathematician?"
J: "Let me show you." Counts to 68, burps, continues to 91, then skips to a thousand.

• Jonah asked what meeting I was going to. I said it was an interracial dialogue on the topic of racism. He asked what racism was, and when I explained, he said, "I can change that." How? "By fighting with words," he elaborated. "Remember? Like King Arthur." He meant MLK. :)

• "Mom, did you put some love in my food? Because it tastes sooo good."

OCTOBER 2010 -

• "I can change myself into a spear warrior or Met-Mo Met-Mo. If you touch Met-Mo Met-Mo, you die."


• "Mom, will you be my princess? I'll be your soldier. Do you know that when the princess lies in bed, the soldier guards her. He is in the bed too with his gun out."

• "Mom, do you like rock stars? I like rock stars."

• "Mom, I am a robot and I control you."

• "You can rub my feet while I get the missile."

JUNE 2010 -

• me: "It seems that you haven't been drinking much water."
J: "I drank fifteen-forty google drinks of water."

• "I burped my brain out."

• "I'm arguing with my brain."

MARCH 2010 -

• "Mom, I love your teeth. (Pause) They look green."

• "I saw her testicles! Not two times, but three times!" (about the communal male bunny named Daisy, whom we got to bring home for the weekend from Jonah's school)

• "Mom, you're my cannon bullet."

• me, about to serve Jonah a bagel: "Do you want half or the whole darn thing?"
J: "I want half. And it's not going to be darn."

• To dad: "You and mom deliver love to each other, and I deliver love to mom."

• "Rats look like rocks with pokey things."

• "I speak four languages: alien, dragon, Czech and English."


• "Mom sounds like bomb. . . From now on can we call mom 'bomb'?"

• "Buttcracks are nice."

• J: "Mom, how tall are you?"
me: "5'5"
J: "When am I going to be 5'5"?"
me: "Probably when you're a teenager."
J: "Are you a teenager?"

• "Dad, I have a good idea. You can have your dream work and I can have my dream gun. . . Then you can do your work and I can play with my dream gun."

• "Mom, I like your size."

• "Mom, I like your knees."

• To me: "When you walk by, dad and I will shoot you and you'll fall in the (imaginary) water. But you won't be dead in the water. Just pretend skeletons."

• J: "Is there sunshine after we die?"
me: "What do you think happens after people die?"
J: "They get shot by missiles."

• "I'm not going to cry now. I'll just shoot." (uh-oh)

JANUARY 2010 -

• "Hello, pork!"

• To mom: "You're an office."

• "Mom, let me tell you something." Whispering: "McDonald's has french fries and ketchup. Don't tell dad that. It's a secret."

• "Mom, I'm a warrior."


• "Was the cemetery where you got married? . . . Militaries is where you get married."

• To mom: "I'm always right and you're always wrong."

• To mom: "That's illegal; you can't kiss me!"

• "My airplane when I grow up into a big boy is going to have an upstairs and a downstairs. It's going to be huge. It's going to have guns on the bottom. My airplane's going to be a Transformer--a battling one. It'll turn into a robot that will have eleven arms on it. The crew name is going to be Servers. And they go like wacko and they pull the lever and stop."

• "You should get dad potato juice."

• "Gorillas are actually tarantulas because gorillas are big and fluffy."

• To mom: "Now you're dead meat."

• To mom: "I'm gonna do some easy capoeira moves so you can copy them."

• "That's how you make a birthday cake: you should use green mayonnaise and some whipped cream and candles for the top and a plate for the bottom."


• While Tim's out Xmas shopping, Jonah pokes his head into the kitchen: "Mom, are you having a good bachelor time?" I ask: "You mean without daddy?" He says: "No, I mean without me!"

• While nuzzling Mom: "I called you butt. Butt is your name."

• Looking in Mom's eyes: "Part of your eyes is white and part is like an olive."

• J: "Ah!"
Tim: "Are you okay?"
J: "My missile fell."

• From the toilet through a cracked bathroom door: "Would you jump in if there was ever a green hand coming to get me?"

• "Space aliens suck your brains out with a straw."

• "You are a mommy and you're also a hammer."

• "You're a buttosaurus."

• "You're luggage!"

• "What happens if a dumb bug is inside you? They have one eye, two horns and sharp teeth."

• J: "What kind of people make spiders?"
me: "People don't make spiders."
J: "So how did they get made?"
me: "Through evolution."
J: "What is evolution?"

• In one breath: "Grandpa, I like you. Do you like McDonald's Happy Meal?"

• "Tarantulas are not spiders. They're humongous apes. They shoot splinters with guns."

JULY 2009 -

• "Dad and I are electric men."

• "Do you know which one is called a hooker gun? It shoots out big blades or knives or fire."

• "Mom, I'm going to be a knight when I grow up."

JUNE 2009 -

• "Dad, you're a hot item for the stove."

• "Mommy, I like you and I'm gonna spray you with fire when you come home. You can tell your students that."

• "I am a robot; a yellow robot. Do you want to put coins in me?"

• To mom, affectionately: "You mushy contaminant"

• "I wanna do a monkey pay for you. You'll get paid by a monkey."

• "I made jail for mom."

• "Mom, do you want to shoot my gun?... It shoots liquid fire."

• To mom: "You are my slobbery woman."

• J: "Dad, I'm shot. I'm shot with an arrow."
Tim: "Who would've done such a thing? Your mother?"

• "Mom, I have a villa and you don't wanna see it."

• "I shot an arrow into your head."

• "Mom, I made an explosion of balls and fire.... I break down cars."

• "I don't need a heart, 'cause I'm a puppet. I'm your friend Puppet."

• "Mommy, you're my boy. Boy, you have to listen to me and play by yourself. You have to play video games."

• "I act so much angry when mosquitoes eat me."

• "Does America speak magic?"

• Randomly while running around: "Pakistan!"

• "Don't believe my poison body."

• "My poison protects me, so Tim, touch me!"

• Jonah's 'funny insults' for mom:
You're runaway dynamite!
You're runaway dough!
You bowl of jello!
Comrat (almost a comrade, NOT)
You sweaty multiface!

• To dad: "Tim, you're a contaminant robot."

• "I am a robot and I have my bow in my hand and my quiver. I'll set my warrior stuff down here."

• "My gun will shoot a big oxen tank."

• "I'll shoot my fire gun and everyone will burn. But you (mom) will not because you have a very good plan."

• "I have so many cigarette stuff in here (shows a case full of cigarette-shaped items)."

• To mom: "I put dad in jail. You'll stay with me. You're my friend. You're my police girl."

• "I'm a mysterious man. I only live in the magic place."

• "I'm a mysterious man. I come out at night. I'm a haunting guy."

• "I'm electric guy. I have electric in my belly and feel my head."

• "Mom, I am half man and half bull and I live in space and I have magic clothes on me and I do magic by spinning around."

• "I have a marshmallow motorcycle that shoots out fire."

• "My poison makes people hard like salami."

• "My belly is full of poison."

• "I have a poison butt."

• "I have a poison crotch."

• "I always eat something and then I drop the bone outside on the bad guys. (mom laughs)) It's not funny."

• "I'm just a regular knight and I have regular weapons, a regular helmet and shining armor."

• "I'm a knight. Why did you just call me Jonah? I'm Sir Knight."

• To mom: "It's night, my queen."

• To mom & dad: "You guys can sleep on powerful boulders."

• "Everything I made is on fire."

• "I'm not as cool as you are, mommy."

MAY 2009 -

• "We're going to a big war, Tereza. You can win. You can beat daddy and I can too. We can be two winners, but he won't be the winner."

• "Mom, what are humans?"

• "Chewbacca is a sleeping artist. He fixes spaceships."

• "Chewbacca, you should listen to me. "

• "Smell me, 'cause I smell right, like the Boba Fetts that smell right."

• "I'm the type of Boba Fett that smells right."

• "Mommy, I'm a nice bad guy."

• "Mommy, don't worry. I'll always protect you."

• "Mommy, I'm a real big man.

• "My wife, kiss my foot.

• "I'll show you one of my lants (read lance)). It's a lant from 86 war. It's old."

• "I'm making metal armor, my wife."

• "My wife, how do you like me?"

APRIL 2009 -

• "I have a billy club 'cause I'm the police. My name is Police Chief."

• me: "What do you think P.O.O.P spells? It starts with a P."
J: "Uhm..."
me: "Poop."
J: "No, poop starts with a fart."

• "Mom, come sit in my missile truck."

• "Mom, you're construction squirrel. Dad, you're firefighter squirrel, and I am scuba diver squirrel."

• To me (not on my birthday): "I am doing a birthday surgery on you."

• "I'll be a naked-style guy and I'll play football."

• "I'm king Arthur, mom."

• "Grandma, you can be part of the war. I'm part of the war."

• "I'll poke you with my porcupine boots."

• "I'm a pig. No, I'm a knight."

• "I'm the knight that moves. I'm a moving knight."

MARCH 2009 -

• me: "You're my handsome sweetheart."
J: "Yes, I'm very handsome."

• "I'm going to fix  the light bulbs with garlic."

• to me: "I have a helmet on, I'm going to explode you and then you can eat."

• "Dad said I can explode him. Dad has time for that."

• "I have oxygen tank. It sprays out every people that don't listen."

• "I'm not funny. If you laugh, I'll poke you. I'll poke you with my poking things."

• me: "What's the kind of a dance you'll do?"
J: "Police dance."


• "I am a pirate king and I have a pirate patch. A fish poked my eye."

• "My garbage truck takes beer and alcohol to the dump."

• "Tereza, let's fight. That will cheer you up. Fighting will be fun."

• to mom: "Follow me, fart!"

• "This is my beer 'cause I always drink beer 'cause I'm a big man... and I don't knock things over."

• "I always drink and I always drive."

• "Do you know what my parlor is? (Shows a toy saw) This is my parlor."

• "I'll drill through your děda? (Czech for grandpa). I'm doing surgery on him. I have a tessascope."

• "We don't have any daddies at home. I'm the daddy. Wanna come with me and cook?"

• J: "Tady máš kafe. (Here is your coffee.)"
me: For a baby?
J: "No, you're a baby who likes kafe."

• To me: "Baby, do you wanna learn to cook? You can cook baby, 'cause now you're a boy, baby. Cook, boy, cook!"

• "My name is mischief."

• "I am an enemy."

JANUARY 2009 -

• Ordering at a pizza restaurant: "I want pig."

• To me: "I am your daddy pirate."

• After brushing his own hair: "I look more better now."

• "I was a fire truck gorilla."
"I am a boy monkey."

• "I am the light bulb guy. I have a beard."

• "What is it liberty?"

• "We can go in my police building and you'll be so happy there. . . You can exercise and then dance (there)."

• J: "Look up at the sun."
me: "No, it hurts my eyes."
J: "No, it says: 'I love you. I won't hurt your eyes anymore.'"

• J: "Don't pass up this chance to wear a mask."
me: "Where did you learn that expression?"
J: "From a fire truck ad."

• "I'm a pipe worker. I have a pipe loader." and "I'm a pipe loader. This is the pipe yard."

• "There's still poop falling out of me."

• "I was there working in a noodle fog."

• "I'm a robot who eats gravel."


• While looking through a toy catalog he cherishes and calls his magazine: "Mom, can I get this red computer... because I have red shirts?" (As can be seen, Jonah is perfecting his persuasive skills.)

• "I farted and I'm a crane."

• "The police are at my house 'cause they're getting a witch who ran away."

• To Tim: "You have a hair appointment. I have to draw a plan. (Draws). I drawed hair and I'll cut it and give it to you and then you'll have a hair appointment."

• "Doctor, I cut your fingers off."

• "I am a beer can."

• "I'm a ghost who explores."

• J: "I'm a doctor."
me: "What's your specialty area?"
J: "I'm a huge doctor who skateboards."

• "I am a chef. I choose the beer. I choose a good one. It's sweet. It has a little bit of wine in it, so you (mom) can have it special."

• "My name is Your Daddy."

• "My skeleton will save you."

• "Mom, you're a big piece of tuna."

• J (on Christmas Eve): "I'm going to go to your room and not look."
Tim: "Why are you going to do that?"
J: "'Cause Santa comes when you're not looking."

• me: "You're so sweet."
J: "Yeah, I'm sweet."

• to me, in the living room: "Let's have a picnic here. I'll catch a weasel to eat."

• To Tim: "Eyeore, the sink knocked me down."

• "I am a present."

• J: "Mom, do you have champagne here?"
me: "Yes, it's in the fridge."
J: "Mom, did we get married?"

• Matter-of-factly describing a drawing with a green marker in a notebook: "That's a dissapointment."

• To me: "Come with me. Don't worry about any skeletons."

• "I'm a construction dog."

• "Dad is meat."

• "I am a pirate fox and I'm furry all over."

• "I'm not tired. I'm not ever tired."

• Pretending to be (a medieval?) doctor: "I'll take your blood out 'cause you're hurt."

• "I ate a part of myself."

• "I'm a doggie, walking in water."

• "You wanna shiver with me, daddy?"

• "I better hurry, so I can catch up with the bad guys."


• Jonah, talking about what happened at school: "They took my food away."
me: "Why? You didn't eat your lunch?"
Jonah: "I only ate the brown stuff."
me: "What was the brown stuff?"
Jonah: "It was like poop."

• "Let's play golf without pants."

• "Mom, I very much love you."

• "I'm a girl who's a fire police girl."

• "Mom, I made up a joke: shoot, toot."

• "Daddy, help mom's butt."

• "Mommy, what do we go to school for?"

• me: "What do you wanna do when you grow up.... when you're a big man?"
J: "I will not do anything. I will not teach any kids."

• "I am a bumble and I bumbled you."

• "I'm a police woman."

• "I'm a helmet boy."

• "I'm a boy toy."

• "It's Sunday. Sunday means I can dig."

• "I am a digger and I dug up the whole world."

• "It's fun being a kid."

• "I am a pirate. I have a sword in one hand and a camera in the other. One is for helping, and the other for taking pictures."

• J (while riding me like a horse): "I broke you a little bit."
me: "Can somebody come and fix me?"
J: "There's nobody here to fix you."

• "I'm the police who says: 'Stop! Don't use nuts.'"

• J: I threw a beard at you(r face).
me: Would you shave it off for me, please?
J: No, you can't shave it off. It has a special magnet on it.

• "Where is I? Here I am."

• me: Tomorrow is a school day.
J: This is not tomorrow.

• "I'm a fire snake."

• "Mom, you're a garbage can... You're full. You get dumped after I roll you."

OCTOBER 2008 -

• "I'm a casserole in a bowl."

• "Alcohol is for hurt knees."

• "We farted out cheese and it went on top of us and it's dancing."

• "Mom, I licked you. You are like a big chicken."

• "I have to eat my lunch before transporting blood."

• "Mom, dogs go like this (sniffing) because they smell every poops."

• To me: "Your belly is the size of meat. I'm gonna cook you up."

• me: "I think I'm gonna eat you for lunch."
J: "No, I'm not good because I'm a boy."

• To me: "Don't be afraid. I'm Lukie Luke. I'm gonna help you put on your pajamas."

• Jonah (walking around with a pretend fire hose, looking for action): "Mom, is your bed on fire?"
me: "Yes, it is. How did you know?"
Jonah: "I looked it up on the internet."

• J: "This is my truck and I'm a vet and I take tails away 'cause I have to take them some place else."
me: "What tails?"
J: "Some doggie tails."


• Glancing at a photo of my college classmate in drag: "Is this a scary lady?"

• Asking about a children's magazine I bought him at the newspaper stand: "Is mine an adult magazine?"

• me: "How many fingers does daddy have?"
Jonah: "Three."

• "I don't want to go to school ever again."

• "Dad, you're meat. Meat is from pig. Pig has a lot of meat."

• to me: "I named you 'Tereza Daddo.'"

• Out of the blue and sealed with a hug: "Fantastic mom!"

• "I wanna drink milk to get old."

• To me: "Hello Mom Baby."

• In a rumbling, big bear voice: "Mom, I'm gonna shave you. I do have a shaver in my pocket. You can't shave me, because I'm so big. I'm a big bear. I will shave myself."

• Wiping away one of my kisses: "I never want to be kissed ever again!"

• J: Mom, I made twenty money.
me: How did you make it?
J: I made it on top of the fire truck.

• J: Mom, do I have a computer?
me: No, daddy and I have computers, but you don't have a computer. You can pretend, though.
J: Why don't I have a computer?
me: Only big people have computers.
J: I'm bigger, already.

• "I was talking on the walkie-talkie to some other garbage men who wanted me."
A little while later: "I have a walkie-talkie. It's a black one. I have to talk to people on the phone. It's a special kind of phone. It's called a phone pocket."

• "I have three money now... We can buy the big front loader with these three money!"

• "Chinese food is bear pandas and I don't want pandas." (Mind you, we've never been to the Panda fast food chain. He asked about it when passing by on the street months ago. What a memory!)

• "Do you like chicken? Chicken is from pig."

• "Dad, let me tell you something: bears do love to go in fridges."

• J: "Mom, you're a baby and you're going to school."
me: "What will you do if I cry?"
J: "I will say: don't cry, go play. I will pick you up. (Leaves the room and comes back.) "I picked you up from school."
me: "What will you do if I cry, scream, and kick (Like Jonah did today)?"
J: I will put you in a garbage can and crush you." (Hmm... thanks for the tip, son.)

• Talking to Tim on the phone about his Czech lesson: "Did you talk to anyone (there)?" (Pause) "Did you cry, daddy?"

• "Ducks lay chickens."

• Jonah, randomly: "Wart hog!"
me, laughing: "Jonah, I love you!"
Jonah: "Mom, you're a wart hog."

• J: "How was your day, mom?"
me: "It was nice. My favorite part was with you. How was your day? What was your favorite part?"
J: "Mine was when I was alone at school without you."

• "I'm a butter boy."

• "Hello, baby Tereza."

• "I hit you because I didn't want an lessons... I didn't want to hear any talking from you guys."

• J: We are not birds.
Tim: What are we?
J (with a mischievious smile): We are cats.

• Pretending to order food on the phone: "Please give me food and drink"

• "I like watching ads."

• "I'm walking you like a dog, daddy."

• "I don't have a tail because my crotch is in the way."

AUGUST 2008 -

• "I'm vaří (= cooks in Czech) pancakes, soup, french fries and hamburgers. That's good for you?"

• "Mom, I love you. I'm gonna crush up you."

• Jonah: "What's 'damn it' means?"
me: "It's something you say when you're angry."
Jonah: "Maybe it's like a coffee pot name."

• to me: "You'll be put in a box and mailed to China without any food. China has a lot of food for womens and daddos."

• "Take a picture of my butt."

• After I told him he can't drink any of my sake because it has alcohol: "What alcohol is, daddy?"

• J: "Dad, you're a sucker! (Pause) Did you say sucker, daddy? (Pause) What's sucker mean?"
Tim: "Sucker is a foolish guy."
J: "Dad you're not a sucker."

• J: "Do you see this (picture of a) semi? The semi's mad. It's angry."
me: "Do you ever get angry? What do you do when you get angry?"
J: "I scare myself."

• me: "Are you Czech or American?"
J: "I'm just Jonah."

• me to Tim, joking about a ridiculous-looking fellow singing in a video shown on an airplane: "Can I have two husbands?"
Jonah, angrily: "No, I don't want mom have two husbands!!!"

• Randomly: "Surveyors!"

• Randomly: "Systems!"

• "How old are you, daddy? ... Is it eleven?"

• "I love you, daddy. I love you, mommy. I love myself."

• After Jonah asked why a Czech children's story character had a particular name, I said: "because he was named that" for a lack of a better answer. Then I asked Jonah why he was named Jonah. He replied: "Because I do things."

• me: Am I a good mommy?
Jonah (Kissing me): Yes. (Pause) I'm a bad boy.
me: Why are you a bad boy?
Jonah: Because I hit things.

• "I love shopping centers."

JULY 2008 -

• "I'm a big hiccupotamus."

• "I'm a jump boy. I jump very high."

• "I'm a night man and I'm blue. And daddy is a bad guy. He has a scratchy back."

• "Mommy, I'm a scary thing. I'm a bad thing with a bad hammer."

• Tim: "What country are you from?"
Jonah: "My house."

• me: "I like looking at the clouds in the sky. They are beautiful."
Jonah (looking at the clouds): "They look like sunflowers."

• "I'm a frozen pea."

• "I'm your daddy, daddy."

• me: "Do you know what your name means? A beautiful white dove bird."
Jonah: "No, I'm not a dove bird; I'm just a boy."

• "I'm (as) big as a dump truck."
To me (on another occasion): "I think you're short."

• "I have a swimming cool. Wanna go in it? I brought swimming suits and a towel."

• "You're water and you're gorgeous, mom."

• "I'm rain and I'm tickling the water (on the lake)."

• "Mom, you're fantastic."

• To me: "You are cheese. I'm gonna skateboard all over you."

• To me: "I love you ... and peace."

• "I like that (mint toothpaste) flavor. I'm a mint boy; spicy one."

• To me: "I think you are short."

• "I'm not a radio. I'm just a boy, mom."

• "My knee is very special. It has a leg next to it."

• "Mom, I made up a rhyme: feta, FedEx."

• Tim: "Where do you want to ride your scooter?"
Jonah: "To Prague."

• "I don't like twins; they are scary... Pagans are scary."

• "I'm a denture, daddy."

• "I'm not a kitty or a vet. I'm just a boy."

• "You'll help me while I build a house. I will be very hardworking."

• While drinking orange juice from a shot glass: "I'm drinking whiskey."

JUNE 2008 -

• me: "You're so wonderful."
Jonah: "No, I'm bad."

• "Thank you for kissing me."

• "Jesus, you scared me!"

• "We all love each other." (To me:) "You're a friend of mine."

• J: "I threw that poop book away."
me: "What's a poop book?"
J: "You sit on the toilet and read that book while you poop."

• Asking me: "You love me with socks on?"

• about Tim: "He's handsome."

• (Shaking a doll's hand) "How'd you meet me."

• "When I grow up into big man, I'll drive that garbage truck, wear a hat and gloves and hop in."

• "Wanna hug me for a reason?"

• "Mommy, I hate smoking... 'cause I'm strange."

• To Tim: "Good job washing your hair."

• "When I grow up into big man, I'll drive that garbage truck, wear a hat and gloves and hop in..."

• "You forgot me, mommy."

• To our cat Fini while she drinks wanter: "Great job drinking."

• "When I grow up into hot boy, I'll have hot sauce."

• "I'm down in the dumps with you."

• "I don't like carburator."

• "I like you so much. You're a good mom. You're a good woman for me. Thanks for making that to eat."

MAY 2008 -

• After work: "Mom, I like you so much. I missed you."

• to me in one breath: "You're crazy maniac. Hi sweetheart."

• "You'll dream about me making a sidewalk."

• "You can sundat my bundu."
sundat = Czech for "take off"
bundu = jacket

• "I will not speak Czech with you."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to."

• "You did not know me when I was throwing those blocks."

• "Mom, you are my sweetheart."

• "I have kitties. They're not named Hot Dog. They're named Fini and Pancho."

• "Fini's my mom." (Sarafina, or Fini, is one of our cats)

• (to Fini, our cat) "I'm gonna tell you a secret: (whispers) I love tractors."

• Jonah: (Pointing at a picture of a cat)"This kitty makes milk."
me: "For her babies?"
Jonah: "She does. (Pause.) Out of her butt right there."

• "I throw furry noodles at you."

• to mom: "I('ll) put you in ZOO."

• "I'm a huge garbage man."

• "I have lots of work jobs."

• Jonah (handing me a fork): "Here you go."
me: "Are you a waiter?"
Jonah (pouting): "No, I'm your friend."

• to me: "Thanks for making coffee and drinking it."

• "I'm gonna draw, mom, a little bit on this verbs."

• to me (intensely, yet lovingly): "I'm gonna put you (in the) toilet and flush you."

• Jonah: "I like sports."
Tim: "What's your favorite sport?"
Jonah: "It is ball sport."

• "I'm overly tired."

• "Mom, you're a weird man."

• "I'm a huge boy."

• Jonah: "Never mind."
me: "What does never mind mean?"
Jonah: "No way, hot dog."

• "I'm not a big boy; I'm just a little boy."

• Glancing at his second poop ever in a potty (recent development): "It made like a cookie."

• To me: "I thinked of you (while trying to fall asleep)."

• "Mom, you're so pretty."

• "I crowed the verbs. .. I crowed one verb."

• "I threw my nose at you."

• "My tools are exhausted."

• (Dumping lego man from a toy cherry picker) "I dumped uncle."

• Describing his car repair shop: "There is a little sign up there. It says go to shop or not go shop up there on the wall."

• "I got pioneers." (meaning pinecones)

• Opening the door and glancing inside: "Hi there, fridge."

• "No, I can't pee, mother."

"Mom, don't drink my hot chocolate. It says tiger on it. It says: 'Tiger: A, B, C, D.'"

• "Let's go dad. I'm not kidding."

APRIL 2008 -

• "You wanna look at my list? I have grocery items."

• "I am my daddy."

• "I am eating peanut my butter."

• "I'm gonna put these batteries inside the trunk and it'll work trunking."

• "I'm my son."

• "Kiss my truck."

• "Let's read that garbage."

• "Mom, maybe you'll be alligator some day with me. You'll swim with me, go up and under and catch salmon. Wanna do that?"

• While watching me cook: "I like you. You're a good cutter, mommy. You're a good fryer."

• While watching dad make pancakes: "Dad's a good maker."

• To me : "I like you very so much."

• "Mom, I'm germ-free."

• me: "Ten more minutes and we go inside and make lunch."
Jonah: "Protein."

• To me: "Thank you for pee with me."

• "I like you so much. You're a nice guy, daddy."

• "Right on. I said: 'right on.'"

• "Mom, you're wacko."

• "Mom, you're exhausting me."

• "I'm just a little boy, mom... so small."

• Tim: "Jonah, how old are you?"
J: "I'm pretty good."

MARCH 2008 -

• Jonah: "My body's getting sore here."
me: "Where? It hurts? What does it hurt from?"
Jonah, pointing to his side: "From noodle."

• "Mommy and daddy loves it. I don't love my skin."

• "You('re) a nice woman, mom."

• To dad: "My fart said hi to you."

• Jonah: "I'm sad, mommy."
me: "What are you sad about, sweetheart?"
Jonah: "I'm sad about daddy go to work. (Pause.) I'm happy though."

• "I'm annoying, mom."

• About Tim who was eating while driving: "He's driving with food. He's crazy."

• "You are dumpling, mom."

• Jonah: What's that I smell?
me: I don't know. What do you smell?
Jonah: I smell you, mom.
me: Do I smell nice or bad?
Jonah: You smell bad, mom.

• "Worms love me."

• To dad before a trip: "Put me in the car and drive me crazy."

• Jonah after overhearing us talking about Pagans: "Where are the Pagans at?"
Tim: "They are (probably) home watching TV."
Jonah: "They are people. They act like monkeys." (After a while) "Hug me. I'm scared of Pagans."

• Jonah: "You're different, mom."
me: "What am I different from?"
Jonah: "From diggers."

• "I smoked, mom."

• Jonah (Looking at a plastic kids' plate he was eating from): "What's that letters about?"
me: "It says 'Cutie Pie' on that plate."
Jonah: "What does 'cutie' means?"
me: "Cutie pie means that someone is sweet or nice."
Jonah: "I call myself cutie."

• "I smoked them down to the ground."
Later: "I'm gonna blow them down to ground. (Looking at me) Wanna write that one?"

• "I am eating my germs, mom."

• To mom, sweetly: "Do you wanna eat garbage in your garbage mouth?"

• "You are egg, mom. I'm gonna hit you on pot. I'm gonna fork you and eat you."


• Tim: "Good night, Jonah. I love you."
Jonah: "I love uncle Andy. He has his own hammer."

• Jonah musing on a typical two-year-old-vs.-mom power struggle: "I am boss. You are a baby, mommy."

• me: "How did you sleep?"
Jonah: "I sleep fifteen hours."

• Jonah: "What are you doing, mommy? You scratching your head?"
me: "I'm thinking."
Jonah: "I'm not thinking."

• "I'm a big boy. I'm gonna have a shake milk."

• During a check-up with the midwives to himself: "Height, weight, vitamins."

• "I have big mouth and big hair like uncle Andy."

• "I like you. You (are a) good man, daddy."

• "I'm (gonna) Skype you, mommy."

• me, on a walk: "Those flowers smell so nice."
Jonah: "They're not gonna hurt me."
me: "No, they won't. They have no thorns."
Jonah: "They love me. Those bushes love me. Those trees love me."

• "I'm a lazy loafer."

• "I'm (a) maniac."

• Jonah: Do you want cheese?
me: No, thank you.
Jonah: I'm gonna get the cheese and cut it and stick it in Grady Grader* and grade it and put in your mouth and you will like it.
*A character in a John Deere brand construction equipment coloring book

• "I am a book. Wanna read me? Wanna put me in the slot*?"
*Like at the library.

• "I like your ears, mommy."

• Annoyed at mom who was smelling and kissing his head and neck: "I'm not food!"

• "I'm a caffeine man."

• "I love Lincoln beard."

JANUARY 2008 -

• While drinking soy milk from a coffee mug at breakfast: "I'm drinking coffee. I like beer too."

• "There is a digger in my butt."

• While making up a story together about Jonah working on a construction site together with his friends:

me: "After work Jonah, Finn, Ira and Max go to the restaurant. What do you eat there?"
Jonah: "Bones."
me: "What do you drink?"
Jonah: "Water, beer, and coffee."

• To a doll warming up the new swing for the soon-to-be-born baby: "I'm gonna get a beer for you. You can drink it."

• me: "You're wonderful."
Jonah: "No, I'm not wonderful. The baby is wonderful."
me: "Which baby?"
Jonah: (pointing at my belly) "That baby."

• "I'm kind of odd, daddy."

• "I'm a stinky criminal."

• "That's puke. No, that's not puke; that's a lady."

• At dinner:
Tim: "What's the nicest thing you did for mom today?"
Jonah: "I find poop."

• Tim: "Do you want to hear the story of when I proposed to mom?"
Jonah: "How about dump truck (one)?"

• About my stretch marks: "You have lots of lines. I'm gonna take a blue bulldozer and smooth them."

• While "typing" on dad's computer: "My internet is almost ready."

• "Take a picnic on the garbage truck, mommy."

• Enlightening me on his Lego project: "I'm not making poison; it's a control tower."

• While jumping around the house: "Your turn, mommy."
me: "I can't jump with my big belly."
Jonah: "Daddy, you jump with your belly."

• Tim (to Jonah): "Who loves you?"
Jonah: "I love me."


• Me: "I love you, Jonah. Did you know you were my friend? And my son too?" Jonah: "And sweetheart too."

• Randomly, while running around the house: "Statue of Liberty!"

• In the car while picking me up from work with dad: "I love you, mommy." Me with a tear in my eye: "Oh, that's so nice." Jonah, looking out the window: "I love you, store."

• "I'm so happy. It's wonderful. It's family... Wonderful family."

• "I'm pooping with my noodles."

• me: "What would you like for snack? Víno (=grapes)?" Jonah: "Little beer. I want to drink a little beer."

• "I'm looking at splendor there... with that junk."

• "I'm gonna be a co-worker. Wanna be a co-worker? . . . Mommy will sit in the co-worker seat. . . Wanna drive now in the telephone repair truck? I'm gonna be in the driver's seat. I'm gonna get the screw driver and the pliers out and the wrench out and the hammer out. Mommy will hammer and hammer."

• After our most recent trip to the ZOO
me: "What was your favorite animal?"
Jonah: "The tractor."
me: "Did you like any of the animals?"
Jonah: "The tractor ones."

• Tim: "Did you know you have Viking ancestry?" Jonah: "Where Vike went?"

• While playing in the bath: "I sweep all nasty. More nasty. More nasty. There all dirty things in there. Washing all dirty things."

• New trend: when I try to kiss Jonah now, he tries to push me away with the words, "Don't love me, mommy."


• While pretending to talk on the phone: "Hi bro!"

• "I'm a motoring boy. . . Motoring man."

• While playing "grocery store cashier" and "shopper": "Thanks, debit man."

• "It's a broken noodle. Fix it in the garage."

• While eating chicken for dinner: "Mommy eating slobbery bone."

• Riding his tricycle converted into a garbage truck: "Jonah drop mommy off right over there on the garbage can."

• "I'm gonna call Spooky. Hi Spooky! This is speaker phone. Bye Spooky."

• In the "personal care" section of the supermarket, vehemently: "I wanna shaver! I wanna shave my beard!"

• "I'm gonna buy this shirt. I'm gonna buy organic socks too."

• "Freakout! I freaked out!"

• "Hey, Elmo. Wanna play? Want a beer?"

• "I slam-dunked a noodle."

• "I'm gonna gas mommy up . . . Thanks regular man . . . I'm a regular man."

• "That diaper is grody now."

• After playing doctor, checking mom's belly, listening to the baby and saying: "It's a little bit kicking, mommy," Jonah said: "I'm gonna pee on a stick."

• "Oh, my coffee... Perfect!"

• "It's a crappy day."

• "Mommy draw a concrete mixer. Wow! I check this concrete mixer out. I love this concrete mixer, man."

• "I'm a landlord."

• "I'm a composting man."

• "I'm a Monday man."

• "I am a nipple man... I'm a funny nipple man."

OCTOBER 2007 -

• "I pooped in the fridge."


MaryAnn Bottman said...

Well, we all know where he came up with "Hi Bro"!

Anna Kuperberg said...

I just read this whole thing. It's so cool that Jonah is interested in garbage trucks, beer, and hammers. He's a cool guy!