my new boss

My new boss met with me last week to initiate me into his cult, of which I will be a member in a month. I have signed the papers. Now there is no turning back. I nearly fell down when he walked in for the inauguration meeting. The force of his perfume or aftershave or whatever man smell it was, was something to reckon with. His faded tropical shirt with ladies relaxing on the beach under sun umbrellas had seen a better day.

During the meeting I kept getting distracted by a faint voice inside my head telling me this man reminded me of someone. Finally I figured it out. The wrinkles on his face, his narrow eyes -outside corners pointing downward- and his reddish sun-lashed skin reminded me of my college theater professor who chainsmoked in class and had a perpetual stain on the backside of his pants. This professor, along with another of one of my professors, his lover two generations younger than he, ended up making my last semester of college a living hell. I will spare you the details of that episode of my life and instead bring you back to the slightly ratty and very stuffy office of the high school principal whom I now call my supervisor. Aha, I thought as soon as devil man's face, I mean my late college professor's face, superimposed itself over that of my new boss as he was talking to me. No wonder I had an unexplained unsettling feeling at first. I was glad I had solved that puzzle.

The meeting was mostly forgettable until Mr. Boss went off on an unexpected tangent inspired by I don't remember what. Suddenly he launched into a speech about how our students from other countries are chastised for smoking while the U.S. cigarette companies market their tabacco products around the world, trying to hook young people. Then he continued, his monolog rapidly gaining in scope and heat. "It's like with fishing. We market all kinds of chemicals and pesticides in South America and then they use it and the DDT gets in the water and in the rivers and flows into the ocean from there, the fish die, and the people need to go fishing farther out. Then we get into disputes over whose territory in the ocean is what, bullying everybody..." My head was spinning to say the least.

When it came time to review the school policies, is really when the fun started. Dress code. This must be a favorite topic. "Of course, we are pretty relaxed about our dress code here. As long as what we wear is professional and does not impede learning or offend anyone, it's fine. For example," he decided to illustrate his point, "if I decided to wear spedos to work one day..." No, not this visual, I thought. Talk about distracting! He punctuated this segment of our meeting by relating his fantasy, which went something like this: "One day we will break the dress code, dictated to us by our sponsoring organization, and wear everything we're not supposed to. Like logos and shorts..., he said." Wow, can't wait for that day. Hope he doesn't decide to wear his spedos.

While explaining the health benefits to me, the principal confided that health insurance was why he decided to go back to work after retiring. He must really love his job, I thought.

My final favorite moment was my new boss bragging about how democratic his leadership is. My interpretation of what really goes on at the school, based on reading between the lines, is that the employees pretty much take care of most issues on their own instead of relying on the boss. Democratic my ass, is what I thought. But hey, you can surprise me with your prime leadership skills any time, boss man. I'll be waiting to see if you can walk the talk.